The Grief of it all says it all…

October 14, 2014

My best friend of 40 years just died suddenly. Although this tragedy is hard unto itself and another story altogether (next blog).  I am sitting here after her funeral wondering what will happen to me now?  She was the my go to person who I told absolutely everything to.  It didn’t matter what it was, good, bad or the shameful ugly I told her everything.  When she died I was asked to go through her things to see what I might want to take home with me.  This did not feel strange to me because we knew each other so well.  In fact I was to only person in the close friends and family circle that felt ok about doing it.

I have so much to tell her about the strange series of events the week of her funeral.  Things that I could only tell her like I stayed at your ex husbands house with his wifey number two while visiting for the funeral not to mention I was the only American there.  How weird is that?

What do people do when the person that you are closest to in this life is suddenly gone?  Who do you tell your secrets to?  I frantically try and find a replacement person but there isn’t even a close second everyone else seems to be just a random acquaintance superficial and self centered.  So I end up talking to myself which is surely a setup for certain insanity.

So to tell her I guess I would start out saying…Woman GD! (God Dammit).  Do you know what happened to me?  I can’t believe it myself!  Last week when you didn’t answer my Face Book message to chat all weekend I finally got one from you only I realized it really wasn’t from you it was just from your screen name.  It said  “Laura, its John Karens ex husband. Please ring me its urgent.”  My heart sank woman and I started shaking because I knew something was terribly wrong.  Wrong but not dead wrong!  Wrong like she’s been in an accident wrong or distraught wrong and you couldn’t pick up the phone. Not we found her on the floor dead, blue and cold wrong. WTF woman that was never part of our plan. 

So instead of planning my long overdue visit to England to have one of our adventures I am going to come over for your funeral and give the eulogy because I’m the one that knows you the best.  Shit we were supposed to grow old together and have cats after our kids were grown.  So to prep suddenly for the trip I have to go shopping for a dress ( a nice Ralph Lauren number, nothing but the best for you K!) which you would have loved and bought a new pair of spanx.  The spanx are another story later in the week.

Woman I have to go now and finish the night but I will tell you the rest later.  You really do have to hear it…